Making Memories

Every year at this time I start getting excited. It's one of my favorite times of year and I look forward to it so much. It seems like such an odd time of year to get excited about much, especially if the weather isn't quite spring like. What makes this time of year so darn fun for me? My son's half birthday! Yes, I am THAT mom who celebrates his half birthday every year. It has become such a fun tradition to do with him and he looks forward to it just as much as I do. One of my most favorite things about celebrating this with him is that there is no pressure. No pressure for presents and no pressure for a party. All I simply do is bake him a half birthday cake and we celebrate with his favorite dinner, birthday candles, and cake. That's it. Nothing fancy, nothing super big, just time together making memories.

Tomorrow we are celebrating the big guy's half birthday. He is 5 1/2 years old and this year it's an even bigger milestone as he'll start kindergarten in the fall. I'm not sure where the time has gone but I'm doing my best to enjoy every moment of it. I pray that when he's older and he looks back on his childhood, it's the silly traditions like his half birthdays that he remembers most. Nothing fancy, nothing super big, no expectations......just he and I celebrating a small milestone in his big life in a small way............with a half birthday cake.

Solo and Single Parenting. Yes, There Is A Difference!

I've had this topic on my mind for quite some time and after having a conversation with a friend last week who "gets it", I finally felt God telling me it was times to put into words what I have observed over the past few years......

There isn't just one definition of a single parent, there are many definitions of being a single parent. A single parent can be divorced or they can be widowed. A single parent can be one where the father/mother was never present in the child's life to begin with or left at some point during the child's life. A single parent can even be someone who is married or unmarried but with a spouse, partner, or child's parent in prison. I'm sure there are others that I've not mentioned as well.

Over the years I have heard friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers say at times that they are doing the 'single parent' thing when their spouse or partner is working a lot of hours or traveling out of town. In their world at that moment they are living like a single parent. They are the sole person taking care of the child(ren), the one who has to change all the diapers, the one who has to get up in the middle of the night when someone wets the bed or gets sick, the one who has to be the taxi driver to doctor's appointments, practices, church events, and everything in between. They are doing it all. Those 'single parents' are not single parents though. Chances are they have never been a single parent and in reality, have no idea what it's really like to be a single parent.

Here's what I know about being a single parent and this is from my own experience. Being a single parent means keeping consistency and routine in your child's life all by yourself. Being a single parent means being the sole person in your child's life that they can count on, no matter what. Being a single parent means being the one that's awaken in the middle of the night when your child is vomiting and there's no one else there to help clean up the mess. Being a single parent means making to much money to get any assistance with childcare or food, yet not making enough to make ends meet. Being a single parent means going through endless court battles for child support and visitation. Being a single parent means at times getting little to no child support. Being a single parent can mean getting little to no help from the other parent with caring for the child. Being a single parent means getting no regular breaks if the other parent isn't involved in the child's life by choosing addictions over time with their child. Being a single parent means getting no regular breaks if the other parents choices landed them in a 'time out'. Being a single parent means having to tell your friends no, you can't go to dinner with them because you can't afford a babysitter and dinner. Being a single parent means no accumulation of sick days at work because when your child is sick, you're the one who has to take care of them. Being a single parent means you can't get sick - there's no time for it and no one to take care of your child if you do. Being a single parent means not having the support of a spouse or partner, whether they are home every night or not. 

You see, those 'single parents' I talked about at the beginning really aren't single parents, they are solo parents. Yes, they may live at times "like a single parent" but in reality they are just a solo parent because they are only alone for a period of time. Eventually their spouse/partner comes home. Eventually they get a break from being the only parent around. But no matter what, they always have another person to lean on for support. Someone they can call and talk to even if they are out of town. Someone they can bounce ideas or issues off of. Someone who provides financially, consistently. 

My conversation last week was with a friend who is a stay at home mom and her husband is the provider. He works a lot of hours to make sure his family is taken care of but she works a lot of hours as well as it takes a lot to run a household with 8 kids! It was our conversation where she said to me that yes, there are times that she can feel like a single parent BUT she has her husband, her partner, and she not going through every day by herself. I believe she's the first person that has ever said something like that to me and it just put a smile on my face. I may only have one child verses her eight, but she sees what challenges I have because I am a single parent and don't have a partner sharing in duties. She realizes how blessed she is to have her husband. I pray that one day I am blessed with a Godly husband as well. 

The next time you are inclined to think you are a single parent or say "I'm like a single parent", I hope you think twice about saying it. Be mindful of those parents out there that are truly all alone, raising their child(ren) without a partner or spouse. It's not as easy as some of them make it look and you might be surprised at how lonely a lot of them are behind closed doors. Be kind. Be gentle. Show love.

Fear is a state of mind, not a way of life

A couple of Christmas's ago I got a small padded envelope in the mail from a friend. Inside was a Christmas card as well as some printed pages from the internet and a small jewelry box. Inside the box was a bracelet. Nothing fancy - it wasn't sparkly or blingy - just a silicone bracelet with clear beads attached to one another with a solid white one on one side and a solid black one on the other side. I had never seen a bracelet like it before but thought it was an interesting design and well let's face it, clear, black and white goes with anything so I could wear it with any outfit. The bracelet had a tag on it that said 'lokai' and it dawned on me that the printed pages that were in the package had that same name on it so I picked the pages up and began to read. There's quite a story behind the meaning of the bracelet. Let me briefly explain....

The black and white beads on the bracelet have significant meanings. The black bead holds mud from the Dead Sea which is the lowest point on the earth. Placing the mud inside the bead is a reminder of the lowest point(s) you have faced in life. The purpose of the black bead is to provide hope. The white bead holds water from Mount Everest, the highest point on the earth. Placing the water inside the bead is a reminder of the highest point(s) of your life. The purpose of the white bead is to remind you to stay humble. You can find more of the story about the bracelets here: http://mylokai.com/our-story.

The gift of the bracelet came at a time in my life where I had been experiencing some pretty low lows a few months prior. Things were happening that were out of my control and I had no idea how to fix it or make it remotely better. I was living in fear and a lot of it. Fear of the unknown, fear of emotional, physical, and mental safety of my son, fear of figuring everything out on my own, fear of failure, and I'm sure there were smaller fears that I had as well. Fear was chewing me up, spitting me out, and stomping on me. I was a hot mess. 

I attended a women's retreat in May prior to receiving that bracelet and during the course of that weekend, God showed up and told me to stop. Stop living in fear. He was there to take that burden from me. I was worthy. Worthy to be his child, worthy to call out to him, and worthy of him to take the load that I was trying to carry by myself. He specifically called out to me in 2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline". 

It's been two years since that women's retreat and tonight I'm on a 'high' since just earlier today I returned home from another women's retreat. As I'm thinking about the weekend and processing what God said to me, I'm thinking most about a specific moment last evening during small group time. My leader was focusing on me and what God had spoken to me during my time of solitude and as I was telling her what I heard from him I caught myself saying that I am no longer living in fear. I stopped. She stopped. You see, she was also my leader for the retreat two years ago and she knows what fear was doing in my life during that time and here I am, two years later saying out loud (and to her) that I am no longer living a life of fear. We caught each others eyes and smiled. It was such a huge moment for me. I hadn't really thought about it until I heard myself say it out loud. I am no longer living in fear. WOW! 

My lokai bracelet is a daily reminder of where I was and where I am going. I'm not at my highest but I am closer to that than my lowest. My left arm is becoming my reminder of God's truths for me daily. My newest addition is a bracelet that says "What Room Does Fear Have." Is there any room for fear if you have God's truths? He is with us. He is ALWAYS with us. He pursues us. He loves us. He strengthens us. Fear is a state of mind, not a way of life. Living in fear is not living. Living in God's truth is living.

Superhero In The House

Is your household going through a superhero phase or has it gone through one in the past? The past few months my son has been consumed with costumes and dressing up whenever he can. Super Why! has been a favorite superhero of his since he was just a year old. He had a Super Why! costume that I made for him for Halloween one year, but he grew out of it finally. For Christmas I decided to purchase a new one for him since he loved his old one so much. It's the beginning of April and already the seams are starting to unravel because of the use that it's getting and the mask.....well the mask doesn't really fit anymore since it's all stretched out.

I went shopping one evening at a local kids consignment shop and found a Spider-Man Venom costume. You would have thought I brought home gold to the kid! He has worn that thing so much so it to is starting to unravel at the seams a bit. Since getting the Venom costume, he's been asking for a red & blue Spider-Man costume. He's even been dreaming about it. Yes, that's right, he's been dreaming about getting a red & blue Spider-Man costume. So, I took it Facebook to post about this dream of his.

I couldn't help myself, I just had to share it. He's been so insistent on getting that red & blue Spider-Man costume that he's even went as far as to tell me to go to Walmart and get one for him a few times. We've discussed how much money it would cost for said costume and he's been counting the money every day in his bank to see if he has enough. See the proof?

He is one determined kid to get this costume. It doesn't matter that he already has a stash of costumes hanging on hooks in his room. He wants to be Spider-Man and he is determined to be the red & blue Spider-Man no matter what it takes, even if that means spending all of his money.

It is SO HARD teaching a young child patience. Hard work to earn money for that costume, not a problem. He has his jobs that he has to do that he gets money for. But patience until he has enough money saved up? That's hard. Hard on him AND hard on me. This is the first thing that he's ever been insistent on getting, over and over again. The only other thing he's ever asked for multiple times was a guitar but he specifically wanted Santa to bring that to him, which he did. But this, this red & blue Spider-Man costume was consuming his little mind. He wanted it and he wanted it as soon as he could get his hands on it. 

After posting the pictures of Ramsay's determination, a colleague brought in a Spider-Man mask and gloves that she still had that belonged to her son. He could no longer wear them so she brought them in for my boy to have. He was SO EXCITED when I showed them to him. Immediately I was ordered to wash his favorite Spider-Man pajamas so that he could wear the mask and gloves with them. I must say, he does make a pretty cute web slinger........minus the white feet poking out the bottom.

That picture was taken on Friday night. He wore the pajamas and gloves to bed that night. I wouldn't let him wear the mask. The next morning we went to breakfast with Granny and guess what? Yep, he wore his Spider-Man pajamas with the mask and gloves. He took the mask and gloves off long enough to eat and then put them right back on. Superheros don't have time to mess around. They have to be on their game all the time in case bad guys show up, so I've been told.

Oh, and that red & blue Spider-Man costume he has been counting his money for? A colleague of mine bought one for him. She said he needed it and she didn't want for him to wait until he had saved up enough money. He's a superhero and needs his uniform ASAP. He's one lucky little guy but I'm even luckier to work with some pretty amazing superheros of my own.