Taking one for the team

I'll never forget leaving the hospital that day and arriving home with this bundle of joy and thinking to myself, "Seriously? They let us leave the hospital with him and now we're on our own? Where's the manual to tell us what to do?" It didn't take long to figure it out but just as you get comfortable things change. Crawling happens, then walking, the talking, the solid foods........so many changes. With each change there is happiness of a growing baby, learning new things, and seeing them become their own person and then there is sadness is knowing they are slowing moving farther and farther away from the baby stage. They try your patience, push your buttons, and can make you laugh and cry all in the same breathe.

As they get older you adjust. You adjust your schedules, the foods they eat, and how you parent. You adjust the things you talk about and the details you give them. You adjust many different things. I've adjusted over the years to many, many things and situations. Some good, some bad, and some very difficult. One major adjustment I've made: taking one for the team. You see, I've recently discovered my son is angry at me. He's angry at me about a situation that he thinks is all my fault. Do I know what he's talking about? Yes. Do I see the situation the same way he does? Absolutely not. That's because I have adjusted. I've adjusted the way I share things with him about it. I've adjusted my words ever so cautiously so that they are age appropriate. I've adjusted my responses to his questions. Why have I adjusted these things? To protect him and to protect his heart. It's not my job to push my feelings or opinions onto him. It's my job to love him and give him a truth that he can handle. Is it the complete truth? No, but it's a truth that he can handle and process. It's up to him to form his own feelings and opinions about the situation. Until he gets to that point and until he can see the situation for what it is............I'm taking one for the team. 

Christmas and Making Memories

This past Christmas, for the first time ever, we spent it away from home. I loved being on the beach and in warm weather, but it was strange. I was thrown off. Did we bake cookies and leave them out for Santa? Nope. Did we have a Christmas tree to open gifts by Christmas morning? Nope. It was odd, but truth be told I loved it. The two of us were up at 6:30am Christmas morning walking the beach and searching for shells. It was the most relaxing thing in the world despite the very cold sand in between my toes. From searching for shells on the beach, to playing in the sand for hours, swimming in the indoor pool, and a Spider-Man movie to end the day......it was perfect. I loved everything about that day.

Christmas is a hard holiday for me and has been for years. I love the Christmas holiday season - the lights, the music, the fun things happening around the area - but when it comes to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day........I dread them. Those days are lonely and depressing. I have the best memories from my childhood of those days being filled with family events. Now the days are filled with emptiness and I feel I am doing a disservice to my son by not giving him great memories like I have. Truth be told if you asked him about Christmas he would likely say he loves it and everything about it and I love that about him. He's my favorite everything.

While we aren't making family centered Christmas memories we are making memories and we are making memories throughout the year. I do feel blessed to be able to give him that. Growing up we didn't travel anywhere, never went to an amusement park, water park, nothing of the sorts except for that one camping trip that I can recall. I am blessed to be able to do adventures with my boy, even if they are to the same water park EVERY SINGLE SUMMER because he loves it that much. We had a pretty great 2018 of making memories. We traveled to Ohio to visit friends over spring break, went to a Cubs game in Chicago, went to his favorite water park in Indiana, I surprised him with a trip to Chicago to see Justin Timberlake in concert, and we traveled to Florida for Christmas. It was a busy year but an awesome one!

Memories last a lifetime, good and bad ones. My goal is to make the list of good ones a lot longer and more memorable.