I've never been one to journal. I have tried and tried over the years and it's just not something I've been good at. Maybe part of it is the expectations I have to write every day or maybe it's the pressure I put on myself to write something brilliant or meaningful. It's just never been my thing. With the current state of the USA, and still parts of the world, being quarantined due to the COVID-19 virus I have started to keep a journal of sorts. I don't write in it every day but I do take the time every 2-3 days to sit and write what's been going on. This is something that most of us have never experienced in our lifetimes and it's worthy of being documented for myself to read in years to come but for my boy as well. He's still young enough to not fully understand what is happening and why. I want to be able to provide some answers for him when he's older and has the opportunity to look back and reflect on this period of time. History in the making!
The way I have been feeling today has not been pretty but it's also one that I feel so many others are also feeling but no one is talking about it. Like REALLY talking about it. So here goes........
Today is day 43 that we have been together 24/7. That's 43 days and counting as our stay at home order was extended to run through May 30. Today has not been fun and I'm glad it's almost over. I spent two hours this morning re-directing my child to rewrite a homework assignment that he turned in yesterday and needed to be redone. Two hours because he kept getting distracted. Toys, the cat, food, nothing, and everything. TWO HOURS, ONE ASSIGNMENT. Those two hours were also two hours that I was to be clocked in and working for my job. You know, that one that pays me to do work and allows me to put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.
TWO HOURS - ONE ASSIGNMENT!!
I had a meltdown. Crying, sobbing, and yep there was cursing. Feeling so much pressure on so many levels and never enough hours in the day to do it all. I can't keep up! Work, housework, laundry, dishes, the kids homework, keeping him doing. I simply can't do it. I have always said I couldn't be a stay at home mom or work from home and here I am, doing both at the same time. It's not fun. It's not fun for me. It's not fun for the kiddo. It's hard. So very hard. I'm in my busiest season at work and am being pulled away a million times a day because the kid just doesn't get it. I've tried so very hard to keep structure to our lives but it's just not the same. He's struggling to stay focused and get his work done. Some days he's good with getting it done quickly and others it will literally take all day. Regardless, I am still re-directing him all day to either get his work done, get his chores done, or to leave the cat alone. Poor Linus. She is not used to her humans invading her space all day every day. She is missing her quiet time I'm sure.
I can't wait for this all to be over with. Things will be different. They'll never be the normal we used to know and I'm ok with that. I just want to be able to go to work and be around adults. I want my kid to be able to go to school and see his friends. I look forward to the day when we choose to stay home and have a lazy day or weekend. That day will come. Until then we stay home together, safely.
