Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and AIP (Autoimmune Protocol) Life

This is a post from early 2021 but was never posted!

I stated my AIP (autoimmune protocol) journey on February 1st and as of today I have lost 11.6 pounds but I feel SO much better. This journey is NOT about losing weight (although that's a bonus!), it's about not feeling 'sick' all the time. Excited to see what the next 30 days brings. I have considered trying to reintroduce coffee (since I miss it so much) but that’s the only thing I’m considering at this time. I want to give my body even more time to heal and see how it feels.

This journey felt very overwhelming to begin with but it’s become a bit easier now. Finding compliant items to eat for cravings (like Terra chips!) has made a huge difference! I’m so thankful I am able to take control of my health, both mentally and dietary.

If you have an autoimmune disease and feel you aren’t living your best healthy life, consider researching AIP. While I may not be able to eliminate taking my medication ever, I can at least prolong the dosage increase by feeding my body foods that are good for it.

Can’t live without caffeine? You can!

Can’t live without sugar? You can!

Can’t live without carbs? You can!

Can’t live without dairy? You can! (Living without cheese is hard but worth it!)

Can’t live without gluten? You can!

Can't live without alcohol? You can!

Can’t live without eggs? You can! (Although I do LOVE eggs!)

World Mental Awareness Day

This past Sunday, October 10th, was World Mental Awareness Day and you know what? I've never acknowledged that day before. I didn't even know it existed. With the way our world has been the past year and a half in a pandemic, it's a day that everyone should be aware of and acknowledge as more and more people struggle with mental health more than ever. I've been blessed to find a counselor that I meet with on a regular basis and have done so for the past 10 years. When things are rough we meet more frequently and it's nice to have someone outside of my circle to talk with. It's so very helpful! 

Recently I found myself in a weird place in life and at a breaking point. I wasn't on top of things like I normally am and things started slipping through the cracks. It's an awful feeling when one thing after another slips through and you feel your life is just spiraling out of control. It's one thing for my life to be affected but it's a whole other ballgame when it affects my kiddo. I had a conversation with someone about some of the things going on that were causing me stress and anxiety, not to mention lack of sleep. I walked away from that conversation thinking 'that was not helpful at all' and it reminded me why I have a counselor in my life to talk with about life and struggles. 

When those who are struggling reach out to you they aren’t always looking for solutions, rather they are looking for support. They want to be seen. They want to be HEARD.

As a woman, and as a mom, I find myself wanting to fix things and provide solutions to people who are struggling and reach out to me. I think it’s our nature. But sometimes people just need to vent, be heard, feel that release, and that helps to clear their head to start finding solutions.

Struggling is hard. Struggling in silence is even harder, unhealthy, and dangerous. Be kind. Open your eyes, your mind, your heart, and your arms (for a hug). What you say, and what you don’t say, can have a major impact on someone who is already really vulnerable.

Are we there yet? Please send wine.

Today marks day #56 that the kiddo and I have been together 24/7. Yes that's right, 24/7. You see, during this pandemic he has probably spent more time in my bed then his own bed. He often wonders into my room in the middle of the night without me knowing only to wake up the next morning and see him all spread out in my bed. He's a bed hog and he knows it. I need more coffee.

This past weekend we spent the entire day Saturday outside which was glorious! I bought some flowers from a local nursery and spent the afternoon planting them and decorating the front of the house. It was so good to have the sun in my face all day long. A sweet friend and her boys stopped by to drop off a game for us and a beautiful bouquet of tulips. You can see below what they look like when they opened up. So pretty! We also celebrated Mother's Day with my mom. Since the weather was nice we decided to order Chinese food and sit outside to eat and visit, keeping our social distance of course.

Sunday was a different story. It was Mother's Day and gloomy, and cold! We spend the entire day inside the house and I only got out of my pajamas when I took a shower and put on a clean pair. I completed a 500 piece coffee puzzle, watched The Golden Girls, and let the kid have all the electronics he wanted that day so I could have some peace and quiet. I drank lots of coffee!

Today also marks the near end of the kiddos school year. He has three more days of 'school' left before he's done. Part of me is thankful to not have that pressure on me every day to keep him on track while I am trying to work but the other part of me is now trying to figure out how to keep him occupied during the day so I can continue working. If it were up to him he would be on electronics ALL DAY LONG. This mom isn't having any of that. I've got to get the creative juices flowing and figure out a plan and soon! Please send wine.

When I was in high school I wanted to become a math teacher. I love math, being challenged by it, and the feeling of accomplishment when I complete a hard problem. Looking back now I must have been crazy! I now know I was not cut out to be a teacher or maybe it's just that I'm not cut out to teach my own kid, at home, while also trying to work. While his work load wasn't near what it was when he was actually going to school, it was still a lot to handle at home when I couldn't sit and devote even a solid hour to helping him get things done. Having a kid with some special needs during this time has challenged me in ways I couldn't imagine. It's not been easy on either of us but we are doing our best, one day at a time. On the bright side he's getting better at expressing his feelings, like when he's angry at me for telling him to do his schoolwork. His counselor is very proud of him for the progress he's made in his area! Being mad at me has become the daily normal around our house. I'm not exactly sure how we are going to survive the summer today. So please, send wine! 

No one is talking about the daily struggles

It's been while. I didn't realize it's been over a year since I last posted something. Times flies when you're.............having fun?

I've never been one to journal. I have tried and tried over the years and it's just not something I've been good at. Maybe part of it is the expectations I have to write every day or maybe it's the pressure I put on myself to write something brilliant or meaningful. It's just never been my thing. With the current state of the USA, and still parts of the world, being quarantined due to the COVID-19 virus I have started to keep a journal of sorts. I don't write in it every day but I do take the time every 2-3 days to sit and write what's been going on. This is something that most of us have never experienced in our lifetimes and it's worthy of being documented for myself to read in years to come but for my boy as well. He's still young enough to not fully understand what is happening and why. I want to be able to provide some answers for him when he's older and has the opportunity to look back and reflect on this period of time. History in the making!

The way I have been feeling today has not been pretty but it's also one that I feel so many others are also feeling but no one is talking about it. Like REALLY talking about it. So here goes........

Today is day 43 that we have been together 24/7. That's 43 days and counting as our stay at home order was extended to run through May 30. Today has not been fun and I'm glad it's almost over. I spent two hours this morning re-directing my child to rewrite a homework assignment that he turned in yesterday and needed to be redone. Two hours because he kept getting distracted. Toys, the cat, food, nothing, and everything. TWO HOURS, ONE ASSIGNMENT. Those two hours were also two hours that I was to be clocked in and working for my job. You know, that one that pays me to do work and allows me to put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. 

TWO HOURS - ONE ASSIGNMENT!!

I had a meltdown. Crying, sobbing, and yep there was cursing. Feeling so much pressure on so many levels and never enough hours in the day to do it all. I can't keep up! Work, housework, laundry, dishes, the kids homework, keeping him doing. I simply can't do it. I have always said I couldn't be a stay at home mom or work from home and here I am, doing both at the same time. It's not fun. It's not fun for me. It's not fun for the kiddo. It's hard. So very hard. I'm in my busiest season at work and am being pulled away a million times a day because the kid just doesn't get it. I've tried so very hard to keep structure to our lives but it's just not the same. He's struggling to stay focused and get his work done. Some days he's good with getting it done quickly and others it will literally take all day. Regardless, I am still re-directing him all day to either get his work done, get his chores done, or to leave the cat alone. Poor Linus. She is not used to her humans invading her space all day every day. She is missing her quiet time I'm sure. 

I can't wait for this all to be over with. Things will be different. They'll never be the normal we used to know and I'm ok with that. I just want to be able to go to work and be around adults. I want my kid to be able to go to school and see his friends. I look forward to the day when we choose to stay home and have a lazy day or weekend. That day will come. Until then we stay home together, safely.

Taking one for the team

I'll never forget leaving the hospital that day and arriving home with this bundle of joy and thinking to myself, "Seriously? They let us leave the hospital with him and now we're on our own? Where's the manual to tell us what to do?" It didn't take long to figure it out but just as you get comfortable things change. Crawling happens, then walking, the talking, the solid foods........so many changes. With each change there is happiness of a growing baby, learning new things, and seeing them become their own person and then there is sadness is knowing they are slowing moving farther and farther away from the baby stage. They try your patience, push your buttons, and can make you laugh and cry all in the same breathe.

As they get older you adjust. You adjust your schedules, the foods they eat, and how you parent. You adjust the things you talk about and the details you give them. You adjust many different things. I've adjusted over the years to many, many things and situations. Some good, some bad, and some very difficult. One major adjustment I've made: taking one for the team. You see, I've recently discovered my son is angry at me. He's angry at me about a situation that he thinks is all my fault. Do I know what he's talking about? Yes. Do I see the situation the same way he does? Absolutely not. That's because I have adjusted. I've adjusted the way I share things with him about it. I've adjusted my words ever so cautiously so that they are age appropriate. I've adjusted my responses to his questions. Why have I adjusted these things? To protect him and to protect his heart. It's not my job to push my feelings or opinions onto him. It's my job to love him and give him a truth that he can handle. Is it the complete truth? No, but it's a truth that he can handle and process. It's up to him to form his own feelings and opinions about the situation. Until he gets to that point and until he can see the situation for what it is............I'm taking one for the team. 

Christmas and Making Memories

This past Christmas, for the first time ever, we spent it away from home. I loved being on the beach and in warm weather, but it was strange. I was thrown off. Did we bake cookies and leave them out for Santa? Nope. Did we have a Christmas tree to open gifts by Christmas morning? Nope. It was odd, but truth be told I loved it. The two of us were up at 6:30am Christmas morning walking the beach and searching for shells. It was the most relaxing thing in the world despite the very cold sand in between my toes. From searching for shells on the beach, to playing in the sand for hours, swimming in the indoor pool, and a Spider-Man movie to end the day......it was perfect. I loved everything about that day.

Christmas is a hard holiday for me and has been for years. I love the Christmas holiday season - the lights, the music, the fun things happening around the area - but when it comes to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day........I dread them. Those days are lonely and depressing. I have the best memories from my childhood of those days being filled with family events. Now the days are filled with emptiness and I feel I am doing a disservice to my son by not giving him great memories like I have. Truth be told if you asked him about Christmas he would likely say he loves it and everything about it and I love that about him. He's my favorite everything.

While we aren't making family centered Christmas memories we are making memories and we are making memories throughout the year. I do feel blessed to be able to give him that. Growing up we didn't travel anywhere, never went to an amusement park, water park, nothing of the sorts except for that one camping trip that I can recall. I am blessed to be able to do adventures with my boy, even if they are to the same water park EVERY SINGLE SUMMER because he loves it that much. We had a pretty great 2018 of making memories. We traveled to Ohio to visit friends over spring break, went to a Cubs game in Chicago, went to his favorite water park in Indiana, I surprised him with a trip to Chicago to see Justin Timberlake in concert, and we traveled to Florida for Christmas. It was a busy year but an awesome one!

Memories last a lifetime, good and bad ones. My goal is to make the list of good ones a lot longer and more memorable. 

The First 40 Days - A Social Media Experiment

Have you ever marked a milestone birthday with a challenge for yourself or something big you wanted to accomplish? For me, I did a couple things. I started my 40 For 40 bucket list a year ago (I switched it from Before to For since I knew some of the items wouldn't happen until after I turned 40) and I decided right before my birthday that I would spend my first 40 days as a 40 year old off the social media accounts I used most often, Facebook and Instagram.

The bucket list I created had both big and little things on it such as:

* Take a cruise - which I did last October
* Get a tattoo - check! (In honor of my son)
* Stop drinking soda - check although I have an occasional one when having pizza
* Visit my friend Michelle - check
* Feel healthier
* Donate my hair
* See Mariah Carey in concert - doing that in September! (She's really been on my life bucket list for YEARS)

And many others.

About a week before my birthday I decided I was going to take a social media hiatus for the first 40 days after my birthday, just for something different and to challenge myself with staying off of it. My birthday came and I had a fabulous day at work with colleagues who decided to treat me to all sorts of fun all day long from decorating my desk, yummy donuts, an amazing lemon cheesecake, lunch out, and so much more! My evening ended with attending church which has become our favorite thing to do on Thursday evenings. The next morning I woke up and the first thing I did was get on my phone and I deleted my Facebook and Instagram apps. I wanted all temptation to be gone for looking at them! It was actually such a freeing yet scary moment. 

Today marks day 34 of no Facebook or Instagram. Now I will admit that I did get on Facebook one evening as we were having severe weather in the area. I like to follow the local meteorologists when that's happening because I don't always get the best channel reception from my antenna when the weather is bad. Other than that I have been off of them.

This little social media experiment has been an eye opener for me in several different ways. Some good, some bad. For the first time in years I have managed to find some books that I like and have read four different biography's so far which is unheard of for me. Then again for 6.5 years I was reading textbooks in my spare time so there wasn't time for pleasure reading! I have surprised myself with how much I really enjoy reading. My son has become an avid reader this summer as well and is flying through the Captain Underpants series as well as the Dog Man books. It's actually been fun to have family reading time in my bed every evening. We have also enjoyed many trips to Barnes and Noble....usually buying at least one book but sometimes just browsing and hanging out. 

I've also noticed how much I am not holding my phone anymore, especially when I'm at home. Since I haven't been checking FB or Insta on a regular basis, I don't have my phone near me all the time. My son has picked up on that as well. I've always been good, at least I think I have, about not being on my phone when we are out and about doing things (other than to take pictures with it). One of my goals for 2018 is to be PRESENT, which means putting the phone down and just living in the moment. Less social media and more face-to-face is also on that list. 

There's also been some not-so-good things that I have realized through this experiment as well. I'm not ready to dive into that and share that with the world just yet as it's a very personal thing that I am dealing with, along with some other things happening in my life. God is good though and I know that He has been with me throughout this entire season and has been revealing things to me that I needed to see but couldn't see before. Six more days to go and then we'll see how I feel about returning to the FB and Insta world. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. 

Zephaniah 3:17 [Full Chapter]

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”