Cupcakes and Rainbows? I think not.

I've been thinking about this post for quite some time now. It's been on my mind for a few months and just when I think it's time to write about it I have second thoughts and chicken out. Since the topic keeps coming to mind I know that Gods plan is for me to share my thoughts, even when the enemy continues to try and shut me up.

I ran into a sweet friend at church over the summer and as we were chatting and catching up she made a comment that has stuck with me that I've not been able to shake. She commented about how my life looks so great and that I do so many fun things with my son and that she wished she could have a life like mine. She sees my life via Facebook. You know the glorious life we all live via FB. Don't most people just post the positives in their lives on FB? My life isn't all cupcakes and rainbows and truth be told, I'm a liar on FB.

I don't share much of my personal life with people. Not the real deep and dirty stuff that I've gone through over the last few years. Those really close to me know of course but that's just a handful of people. FB isn't a place for me, or anyone for that matter, to air their dirty laundry but most importantly, I don't air my dirty laundry because my dirty laundry is intertwined with someone else's dirty laundry and while I have a story to be told, I have to be careful that I don't tell the other person's story as it's not mine to tell.

Here's my truth: my life is hard. Cupcakes and rainbows it is not. I've been raising a child by myself for 6 years and there's been a lot of very difficult times during those 6 years, even with God walking along side of me. I've been in a courtroom fighting for my child who was/is unable to fight for himself. I've stressed out at the thought of the potential danger Ramsay could be in if the courts made a decision without really knowing all the information. Child support isn't a regular thing so financially I can't count on that money to help with bills. I was in a year and a half long court battle with my son's grandparents whom instead of helping and supporting me when their son couldn't, decided to take me to court costing me thousands of dollars which should have been used on providing for their grandson. I'm still working on trying to pay off that debt which seems like it's never going to go away.....well the case went away, just not the debt.

Here's another truth. It's lonely. Sure, FB makes it look like I'm happy and I've got it all together. I don't. My weekends are usually spent at home with my kiddo because #1-it's expensive to go out AND pay a babysitter, and #2-there's really no one to do anything with. No one asks me to go out to dinner or for coffee. Sure, people mention it in passing or even mention helping out with Ramsay but never follow through. Holidays are the hardest. We spend holidays at home with my mom. It's just the three of us. 

But in all of this, I do know one truth for sure. God gave me this life for a reason. While I never thought I would be a single mom, it's given me a purpose and drive to do good for other single moms. No one knows better what struggles a single mom goes through then a fellow single mom. We are stubborn and often won't ask for help. So, if you know a single mom, reach out to her. Ask her what you can do for her. Take her for coffee. Invite her and her family for dinner. Spend time with them. Get to know them. Get to know her. While you think you would be blessing her and her kids, I can just about guarantee that you'll be blessed as well in ways you never thought you would be.

Bucket List Item

I completed one of my FAVORITE '40 Before 40' bucket list items recently...........I got a tattoo! (Well, another one........this makes #3 for me!) I have wanted something to honor my son ever since he was born but I didn't know what I wanted or where I wanted it. Now that he is in school and has learned to write, I decided to put his name, in his handwriting, on my wrist. I absolutely love it! I get to see it every day, all day long, and think about him. Such a fun way to honor him and something we'll enjoy looking at for years to come. Plus it's a good way to see how far his handwriting comes along the older he gets. Ha!

40 Before 40 Bucket List

I've never been one to make a bucket list. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE lists. Grocery lists, shopping lists, chore lists, to-do lists, packing lists, etc. I love the satisfaction that I get when I can cross something off on my list. I feel accomplished in so many ways even if all I did was clean the toilet.

I was talking with a colleague one day in the office and she mentioned that she had recently took a class to get certified to teach a work out class and I asked her what made her want to do that and she said she had created a 40 Before 40 bucket list and that was one of the things on her list. I instantly thought that this was a fabulous idea! She inspired me to start on my own 40 Before 40 journey. At that point I was a little over a year away from hitting 40 so I thought if I was going to do this then I needed to start it ASAP.

Now, let me be clear, not all of the items on my list are wild and crazy. Some are simple things that may not cost money or things that I can do with my son such as visit the St. Louis Zoo (since I've never been there obviously), get a tattoo in honor of my son, visit a friend that I haven't seen for a year and a half, things like that. 

A couple items on my list are a bit more difficult and take dedication and time. I needed this. I needed to see the GOAL on my list and have that staring me in the face all the time, forcing me to be dedicated to working hard and completing those tasks. Those items are: lose 40 pounds, stop drinking soda, exercise a minimum of 3 times per week, and FEEL healthier. On May 8, 2017, I started on a journey to a new me. I enrolled in a Carb Cycling 101 program instructed by Katie Harlan. During this 3 week program you rotate between low carb and high carb days. This was such a great learning experience for me as I learned that a lot of carbs just drag me down and I don't feel as good as when I do low carb days. She also teaches about intermittent fasting which I have come to love! During that program I lost 7 pounds and 2.5 inches. I felt great!

After completing the carb cycling program I immediately went into a 4-Week Slim Down program that Katie was offering. I loved this program! She provided meal suggestions, recipes, and work outs to do to challenge your body. When the 4 weeks was up and I took my measurements, I was completely surprised at the results! I had lost another 6.4 pounds and 7.7 inches.

I'm well on my way to being a fit and healthier version of me but the biggest item that I have crossed off my bucket list so far is giving up soda. Yep, I did it. It was painful and hurt like heck (literally) but I feel SO much better now that I'm fueling my body with water, coffee, and protein shakes and as an added bonus, my skin is loving all the water that I am drinking. It's really crazy how much my skin and body have changed in those 7 weeks and I'm looking forward to continuing on this path!

If you're interested in learning more about the Carb Cycling 101 and 4-Week Slim Down coached by Katie Harlan, please visit her website for more information.