G: "Does Ramsay have a dad?"
Me: "Yes he does."
Ramsay: "He's in a big boy time out for making bad choices."
G: "He doesn't live here with you?"
Me: "No, he doesn't."
Me........{insert thought bubble} Oh boy, I wonder where this is going.....
G: "What bad choices did he make?"
Me: "Well, he made choices that weren't good and there are consequences to choices that aren't good and so he has to be in a time out."
G: "But daddy's are good so how did he make bad choices?"
That's when it hit me. These two kids have very different perspectives of daddy's and family. All this sweet girl knows is that daddy's are good and that they are supposed to live with you. Then there's my sweet boy who knows he has a daddy but he doesn't live with us and he is in a time out. Each of them are growing up seeing what they see and that's what their views are of a normal family.
Being a parent in normal circumstances is a hard job. Add in circumstances beyond your control that affect you and/or your family and it becomes more challenging. The last 16 months have been somewhat of a challenge for me with a court case that was beyond my control. During the entire process all I could think of was what was my son seeing with his eyes? What was his perspective on life and choices being made? What is he seeing with his eyes that he will eventually ask questions about when he's older? I have mama bear instincts just like any other mama out there and I've been in protective mode with him for a few years now, even more so than the average mama bear, because of other people's choices that were affecting him. Their choices forced me to make my choices.
Late yesterday I got an email that after 16 long months that court case is going to be dismissed. The challenge for me during this process was never about the case itself but about the thousands of dollars in attorney fees that it is costing me. Thousands of dollars which was and is being taken away from the child that the whole case was about. Thousands of dollars that's needed to care for a child. I'm a single mom trying to make ends meet and doing the best that I can. Does my son have any idea of the stress and worry I had (and still have) about all that money? Not that I'm aware of (except for maybe that time I got shingles due to stress). Why is that? Because mama bears protect their cubs. That's what we do. He doesn't know the magnitude of the situation or what all has transpired. He knows that he lives with mommy, with a roof over his head, food in his belly, and lots of love and laughter between us.
When the day comes and he's all grown and he looks back on his childhood, I pray that he says that through his eyes life was great. That through his eyes he saw what all mommy has done and continues to do for him. That through his eyes he has witnessed forgiveness and grace. That through his eyes he saw God's love for everyone.
