God's Love Is Faithful

We were in the car yesterday morning on our way to school and work when all of a sudden out of the backseat my sweet boy says to me "Mommy, do you know what I want to be when I grow up? I want to be a daddy." This made me smile and I then asked him how many kids he wanted and he proceeds to tell me he wants ten. "Ten kids? That's a lot" I said to him. His response was priceless, "No mommy, 100 is a lot". In this sweet, tender moment with my 5 1/2 year old my heart was full and happy. I know that he loves babies but never dreamed he would say he wanted to have ten kids!

Moments after that sweet interaction our conversation took a turn that I wasn't prepared for. What came out of his sweet, innocent mouth I was not expecting.

"Mommy, when I become a daddy I'm going to go in a big boy time out."

{Insert my jaw drop here........and my head started spinning as to how I should respond to this.} So, I start asking questions.

"Why do you think you'll go to a big boy time out?"

"Because my daddy is in a big boy time out and that's what daddy's do."

Oh. My. Goodness. My heart was broken in that very moment. As much as I have tried to do my very best at providing for him, loving him, and showing him what a parent does, all his little mind knows is that daddy is not around and that when he's a daddy he's supposed to do the same thing. So I continued our conversation in the hopes that I would say the right words to ease his mind and make him think differently.

"Well honey, why is daddy in a big boy time out?"

"Because he made bad choices."

"Right. He made bad choices. When we make bad choices there are consequences. Mommy's job is to help you make good choices. I'm also pretty certain that daddy would tell you that he wants you to make good choices so that you don't end up in a big boy time out. They aren't any fun and if you were to go there, your ten kids would miss you very much."

"You're right mommy, I think my kids would miss me and I would miss them."

"So let's work together on making good choices. Okay?"

"Okay mommy."

Phew.........made it through that tough conversation.

Here's our truth: his daddy is in a big boy time out for making bad choices. He's been there for two years. That's his daddy's story to share with him when the time comes. It's not my story to share with anyone, not even Ramsay. But his dad's story does intertwine with our stories. That's our truth.

Ramsay is participating in a VBS (vacation bible school) program this week that started Sunday evening. When I went to pick him up Sunday the first thing out of his mouth was "Do you know what we learned mommy? God's love is incredible!" I love his heart for Jesus and his passion for learning more. Last night when I picked him up the first thing out of his mouth again was "Mommy, do you know what we learned? God's love is faithful!" I love his enthusiasm he has at the end of the night when I pick him up. This kid loves learning and especially loves learning about God. All things are possible with God!

This morning as I was getting ready for work Ramsay climbed into my bed to hang out and chat. What he says to me was so wise beyond his years. "Mommy, God's love is faithful. He loves us no matter what, whether we make good choices or bad choices." And there is it. I needed to be reminded of this today. God loves us no matter what, even if we make bad choices. Does he want us to make bad choices? No. Will he love us even if we do? Absolutely!

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all righteousness.

1 John 1:9

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalms 36:5

God loves us all. God loves Ramsay. God loves me. God loves Ramsay's dad. God loves you! God loves us all regardless of the choices that we make. God's love is INCREDIBLE. God's loves is FAITHFUL!

All I Want

The weather at the beginning of last week was so beautiful. The temperature was just right making it impossible not to be outside doing something fun every evening after work. We spent one entire evening outside working on building a tree swing and flying kites. It was a perfect night. The temperature was right, the wind was just right, and the attitudes were just right. So much fun was had by the two of us!

I had the realization that night that it won't always be this way. Things aren't always perfect and the world we live in is far from perfect. I won't always be able to spend time with my boy like we did that night and I won't always be able to protect him from the imperfections that are all around us. We are all broken in one way or another and we all show our brokenness in different ways.

Last weekend 50 men and women lost their lives in a senseless tragedy. Our world is not perfect. We are all flawed in ways that others can not see but God can heal us. God can restore us. God can save me and God can save you. Some hearts have become angry and bitter and instead of seeking to heal their hearts through God they take it upon themselves to heal their hearts the way they feel is right, which is at others expense. I'm sad to be raising a child in the world as we know it today but I do my best to teach him God's love and God's way. I also teach him to pray for others in our world that may not know God and who can come to know Him and His love for all of us. I pray for a world of understanding, compassion, respect and love.

Vacation........What's That?

I was driving home from work today and my head was spinning. So many things going on in our lives at the moment and in the next couple months it's going to get even crazier. My boy will be starting kindergarten in August which is going to be a big change for him and although I'm excited for him, it's still a lot for this mama to wrap around her head. How did he get this old? Other changes are happening that well which aren't as exciting as starting kindergarten but I'm doing my best to be ahead of those changes and prepare my boy in any way that I can. While driving home it hit me....we need a vacation. Like a REAL vacation. Not just an overnight trip somewhere for the heck of it and not to my son's favorite theme park of all time (and let's face it, that's not a vacation for me at all but a lot of work).

I have not had a 'real' vacation since September/October of 2009. That was before I even got pregnant! That was the best vacation I ever had. I traveled alone to Colorado and spent a couple days with family but then spent the remainder of my vacation alone. All. By. Myself. I did so many things by myself it was amazing. If I was late somewhere I had no one to blame but myself.

Reality is......no vacation in sight, not a real one anyways. I would love to go to Colorado to see family or to the beach where we can be beach bums all day long. Instead, we'll be doing the same old thing we've been doing which is working and daycare. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Someday..........someday we'll get that real vacation. Someday when I have a partner to share the load with we'll get a lot of things but until then, we'll just dream about a real vacation in our dreams.